Now She

Now she do not even call me or text me, she just saying Hi when she sees me. I am so much worried about what could have happen.

Not like what I said in my last post, I still remembers her when I see a movie or listen to a song that has a connection to us.

Yes, still sad and can't let go of that, but need to accept either she is back in her old life or has started something new.

Anyway I just lost by trusting that for Love people do anything. I believe, yes people do anything but not the once who just say love and do not feel it really.

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HI All, I am back

So far I was thinking that I couldn't get over this. Now to make my self happy and to fair to to me, I focused my whole time to work and worked very hard.

By now I have a degree and also a car.

So life is moving on fine but when I think about her I still miss her lot but trying to push it down further in my heart and hide it.

It seems love and time is very strange thing where it solves some of your problems. During past days I meditated a lot and tried to calm myself.

Now actually I do not find what she does because i know it will kill me again inside. May be she is close to other guys but sine i do not know it and try to judge, my heart is in a peaceful place.

All I think now is about my life happiness and do not want any other to break it.

For now I am ok. I am not sure that how long that I am going to be in this state but yes I am ok for now and looking for another girl to get married.

Further I notices that she also calls me on and off, but not talking daily as we used to be. It seems if you can let go things in your heart you can be at a peaceful place.

SO fingers crossed and waiting to see where time will takes me next...

I can see lot of viewers are reading this page where i just started to write what i felt and to express my self.

So Shona still in my heart and trying my best to let her go for both of us.

But still get the tiers when i remember how we used to be (Even now..), Our plans / our life. All just seems to be ending.

Everybody make sure that you be very careful before you fall in love when it is really happens you can't let it go and you are lot. All you can do is act like there is nothing but hurts deep in...

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In Love with another guy again - Secret love

Hi Friends, I am back again with a broken heart.

I was ok for few days and i was bale to bear the pain in my heart and just let the time pass by. So now that i can see that see is talking to someone over the phone all the time. So she is in love with someone else. (can not be the husband)

So it hurts again and she doesn't even care about me. I know from me she wanted love when she wanted and when she can get it from someone else, she don'e care about you. (They never have).

Nice lesson in life, but so hard to bear and it is very strong.

I wish that no one will ever needs to go through this in their life. Because trust me it is fucking painful.

Women always get what they was and they don't care from whom they are getting and once they are done using you, they will move to another new product.

I am trying to express at least this to the internet and make my self relief, but it never happens, my pain gets harder and harder each second.

One day there will be cure for love and people will be able to remove love from the heart and world, so that no one will be able to play with another person's feeling, just to get what they want.

Also i hate the people or persons who has defined love as a good thing, No it is bad and very very dangerous. If you are sick you know the cure and what is going to happen, but in love it never gets cure and you don't know when your soul is going to die. Sickness just attack your body but this love sickness attack your soul and kills it.

Let's see what happens in near future, As at now, she is happy with another guy but me crying here from my heart and drinking daily to escape it, but can't bro.

So pay the game as how it should be played (Never love truly, madly and deeply), if not you are gonna lose and get hurt very bad like me.

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The Last Option

Hi, guys,

Now i understand, she loves me only when there is no husband or other guy to love. If there are some like that I have being ignored and kicked. To get pass through this, I try to go on trips and try to go out with friends and drink a lot, but all just temporary, but when I am alone, it sucks to see that she do not even notice me or do not want to talk to me like the way she used to.

Anyway I believe she is happy, because she got others to chat with not the same old guy that she used to chat and love lot.

 Sad story, but some songs are true, i can't berry it when I am alone, just like now. The pain in my heart is lot but she thinks I am happy and over it, no point of telling her these things, it is just a story from guy to her. So I write, may be I am no longer alive when you read this, but remember love is so dangerous when other partner just want to feel the love when she wants and when she can replace you from another guy.

So true the story of love is not a happy one for me always, ti has being those days but not now, my main weakness is that i can not get over this or cheat anyone, if yes and just wanted sex like most guys, I would have moved out gladly as I have already slept with her many times than i could count. I do not want to be a hero by having sex with another women and keeping her in pain, you know what some women just want that to have sex and they want you to forget about her.

I do not believe that my Shona is not like that, but the way she moves and talk with other guys also, I have a doubt about that. it is strange, after every weekend she is so distant and has not missed me during the weekend like she used to.

So many pain and thought that I want to express but will catch you later my reader.

TC : ) love is only pain nothing else.

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Is she actually back

Hi,
Sorry for being silent for so long, I was busy with my office work and she was Ok with me again.

I know she is back and I can see that she has not stopped her previous link, she keep in touch with them and from the way she acted with them I think she is hiding that with me and having connection with him too.

Because she wanted me to leave early so bad toady when my friends was calling me for a drink. I went down for a fag and suspected her second guy that I know was still in the office and he will definitely go to her talk with her. So I can back, you know what, I was correct and not like for me, she has stopped her work and turned to him and having a very interesting chat.

So she may have tell him not to talk in front of me and to have the connection when i am not around.

Is she really back only for me, I know it is not.

This might be my only best connection that I have with her. So lonely yar and cant help it, I only love her and she love more guys.

Do you really think that she will be back with me for real? Not sure. I am typing what ever coming to my mind, so that you will learn a lesson about love.

If you are a player that is fine and best at my situation but if other person is not a player, she will hurt more like me, just think of that.

When you say you love someone, mean it and remember you can never fall in love with another one if that person also truly love you.

This is may be there were some girls who really loved me, but I never wanted them because I love my Shona.

Love truly only to the right fit (I know it's joke, you can not find it until you do and you will know it after sometime like me, then toooo late)

Sorry, I got to go. be save and happy not like me. She is having all the possible connections she can and I act like I don't realize, because I don't want to make her angry with me.

It is funny, she say I love you and flirting with other guys, but when I say that, she gets angry with me and it hurts me again, so double hurt. I will keep one hurt and wish that God end my life today.

So funny, I think even after I die, I will feel the same pain.

Sorry for telling all these things to you. I have no one else t's just this blog that probably no one will ready.

TC :( I don't know I am trying and i might be the luckiest guy if I can die today. God if you are feeling what I do, you know that it is fair. pls. help me and end my life and soul, so that no pain will come to me again and make people that truly love each other. Do no let even a enemy of mine feel this pain, it is too much and in every second.

May be I am stronger now, I can hide the pain and suffer to my self, but hurts so much that I want to rip out my heart and trust me I can feel the heat of my heart.

Oh, you know why I started smoking and drinking, So that my body gets weak and I will die soon.

Buy for real.

PS : yet, I still love her... I love you Shona, you don't know how much and how much it hurts when you do the things you do with other guys and it burns me. Anyway as long as you are happy, I will not tell those again to you, because you tell me it is disgusting for you. take care, if God hears my prayer and kills me today, I wanted you to know I love you and do not hate you.

but don't do thins to another guy who really loves you like me, it hurts like shit. TC :)

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She is back

Hi There,

As I said she is back a little bit again with me, but yet I do not know when she is going back as she is not having the intention of being with me rest of her life. She needs to make her family life so good and yet she loves me.

Those days we used to be very closed and very wonderful life. Now she calls me and talk to me but do not want to go out with me, she does not miss feeling me, she does not want to hold me or to kiss me.

This is my life. I think now it has being neutralized and she is trying to fade away from my life with out hurting me.

Anyway she do not know, no matter what I will always feel the loneliness and will not have the idea of getting married.

The reason is, if I am to marry there should be some one who can make me more than I felt with her and I will not have such one as I do not have the idea of looking for one or interacting with anyone on that way and I made a promise to her that she will be my first and only.

So this is the update as at today, even today she called me and asked about some office some and talked about it. The girls that was there to help out us in the office just left the company.

No problem, this is the update I have as at today. Let's see how it works out. Even though she talks with me I know she is not giving me the full as she used to be and she is moving away and I am feeling lonely.


C U again with another story of my love life day.

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Her Love

Her love was so beautiful. When she loves she loves a lot the problem is with me, she just needs love it doesn't matter who is giving it the matter of whose feel the most.

Guys, I never went to office for two days and almost for five days she will not see me, she never cared to call me and say hi, when i say she said , i will call you back and never happened. Guess when the new guy is around she is not missing me at all now.

So can not blame her and you know what, even now when she comes back I will welcome her with worm heart knowing that again one day she will hook up with another new young guy.

Love is like this, if the both parties in the relationship can feel and understand this, love will be so wonderful. if not if you are the person loves lot then you will be like me hopeless and can never be able to love or trust anyone else.

Sweet dreams guys, I got to imagine about her and cry as usual before I go to sleep.

For you :)

As usual for me :(

Again the lesson - Never fall in love it just hates you, if you are a player, yes go for it but find another player not a true lover then you will definitely go to hell, because that hurts lot and can not imagine how much for players.

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